Life Lessons From My Wedding

“People are weird.  When we find someone with weirdness that is compatible with ours, we team up and call it love.” – Dr. Suess

On September 5th, 2020, I married my best friend.  While our wedding day was nothing like what we had imagined when I proposed in the fall of 2019, we could not have asked for a more spectacular day.  As I reflect on being a married man for the last month, I continue to think about three foundational concepts in my personal and professional life that manifested themselves throughout the entire wedding.  

In May 2020, four months before our wedding, Ellie and I had to make some challenging decisions.  What was our nearly 300-person wedding going to look like in September mid-pandemic?  After weighing countless opportunities and discussing with our family and friends we decided that the focal point of our decision was going to be based on being able to focus on what we could control.  We couldn’t control the transmission rate of COVID-19 and we couldn’t control how the government and other organizations were going to react, therefore impacting us.  We wanted to take matters into our own hands and truly focus on what we could control. This looked like making a decision by June, three months before the wedding, that we were going to cut our nearly 300 person wedding in a big church and reception hall down to approximately 40 people outside at Ellie’s mom’s house. 

Thankfully we were blessed to have supportive family, friends, and wedding vendors that jumped right into the deep end with planning a wedding ceremony in the driveway and a wedding reception in the backyard.  As we tackled this new and unique wedding, we noticed one big change.  The reduction of the wedding size by nearly 90% created an unparalleled level of intimacy with our immediate family and wedding party being the only guests.  Throughout the weekend, each and every one of these people played a pivotal role, from my groomsmen helping literally build the reception “hall” in the backyard, to my parents leading an unforgettable rehearsal dinner, or even Ellie’s mom orchestrating a magical wedding day. This wedding weekend was a capstone in the idea that you are the product of the people you surround yourself with.  

Remember how the wedding ceremony happened in the driveway?  Ellie and I literally stood on her mom’s front porch steps as we professed our love to one another and officially tied the knot.  One silver lining of the pandemic was that we did stream and record the wedding (passcode: yA!f0X0y) using Zoom.  We pride ourselves in being creative and bold, leading us to the decision that we wanted to write our own vows.  As I constructed my vows, I wanted them to be rooted in tangible commitments that I was making to Ellie.  To me, this looked like presenting her with four promises that would serve as the bedrock to our marriage.

• I promise to Care for you.
• I promise to Support you.
• I promise to Challenge you.
• I promise to Have Fun with you.

When I was crafting these four promises rooted in commitment I developed a new understanding of what commitment means to me.  Commitment for anything in life needs to be values-based, starting with why, and be actionable with consistency.  As I reflected on this idea of commitment I kept thinking about Jim Collins’ Flywheel Effect and Simon Sinek’s Start With Why.

One month into marriage these principles still stand true to me and I suspect they will for decades to come.

1. Focus on what you can control.
2. You are the product of the people you surround yourself with.
3. Commitment is rooted in values-based decision making and consistency.  

Thank You!

Special shoutout to all of the amazing vendors and people that made our special day possible. 

• Wedding Planner: Sit Back Relax Events
• Photographer: Leppert Photography
• Cake: Le Petit Gateau
• Caterer: Vonderhaar’s Catering
• Florist: Adrian Durban Florist
• DJ/Lighting: MC DJ Company, LLC
• Decor/Rentals: Primetime Party & Event Rental
• Pastor: Jenn Lucas
• Musician: Joe Gaylon
• Hair (women): Heather Hogan
• Make Up (women): Leyla Raizk