In 2021 psychologists reported receiving nearly a two-fold increase in referrals compared to the prior year, as more and more people search for ways to manage mental illness or just find healthy ways to work through life. Traditional tools like talk therapy at the base is a form of verbal reflection with a professional. While the demand for therapy has clearly increased in a large part due to the COVID-19 pandemic, my question is why isn’t reflection a constant and recurring habit in our every day lives? We shouldn’t wait for crisis to reflect on the good and the bad.
On September 5th, 2020, I had my own COVID-19 “micro wedding” and since then my partner, Ellie, and I have worked hard to make reflection a key component to our marriage. The challenge with effective reflection is that most of the time it doesn’t just happen; there need to be systems and intentionality in place to get the most out of it. As Ellie and I approached our 2nd wedding anniversary, we wanted to do something special that forced us to reflect on our marriage and really step away from the hustle and the bustle of every day life.
Throughout our relationship we have always found joy in the outdoors, whether through kayaking, walking trails near our home, or hiking, there has always been something special for just the two of us being outside together. When Ellie was a graduate student at Syracuse in 2019, we had the opportunity to take a weekend trip to upstate New York and take our first crack at two of the 46 high-peaks in the Adirondacks. We successfully summitted Cascade and Porter Mountains and officially had the plan to be ADK 46ers someday.
We decided for our 2nd wedding anniversary that we were beginning an annual tradition of traveling to the Adirondacks and hiking at least one of the high peaks. This was the foundation of our reflection system. We intentionally set aside time – an entire weekend – for just us. Second, we built activities into this time that nearly separated us from the world. Outside of a dozen or so fellow hikers, we were on mountains for about 10 hours with nothing to do but hike and talk about us.
Lastly, we also committed to a journaling activity that we do together every year. Throughout our wedding anniversary weekend we completed the next chapter of our Promptly Journal, an invaluable journal that provides us with reflection questions on our marriage over the last two years. From basic questions like describing what our current family looks like and where we live to more intimate questions like what are our family values and how can we better support each other this year, the Promptly Journal has been an invaluable too.
As we work to improve our effectiveness at reflection in life we will always be thinking about how we create and improve upon our system of reflection.
- Time – Allocate the needed time for reflection.
- Isolate – Create the needed isolation without distractions to help you focus.
- Capture – Whether through verbal or written words, capture your reflections. They become so much more real when written down or spoken. They can also then be reflected upon in the future.
Cheers to year three of marriage!
Erik Angus 